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Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides
The fourth instalment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is hands down the dullest of the films. The main plot for the last two films dealt with the fading out of Piracy, and this film shows that Pirates of the Caribbean is over.
One of the biggest flaws with this film is the lack of familiarity. Apart from Jack, Gibbs, and Barbossa there is no returning cast members, not even the famous Black Pearl, which was such a prized treasure of the first three films.
Jack is running around england, Barbossa is working for the Royal Crown, and Angelica (Cruz) is recruiting under Jack’s name. In a story that feels very forced, Jack is tricked to aid Angelica, Blackbeard’s Daughter, into looking for the fountain of youth on board the famous Queen Anne’s Revenge, Blackbeard’s ship. Jack is nothing more than a witty crew member with no real goal in the entire film. It’s almost like a reality T.V. show followed Jack around and this is what we see…a whole lot of nothing.
With three groups, Blackbeard’s crew, Barbossa’s crew, and the hardly mentioned Spanish crew all searching for the Fountain, the reasons become rather cliched. Blackbeard is running from a prophesy that the ‘one legged man will kill him’ (ironic that Barbossa happens to have that wooden leg, so no mystery there), Barbossa wants revenge on Blackbeard for kidnapping the Black Pearl and trapping it in a glass bottle (because Blackbeard is not a pirate but a magician), and the Spanish are nothing but holy rollers who see the Fountain as an evil river of life.
The new characters were incredibly underdeveloped; Angelica, Blackbeard, the Minister, and the mermaid all felt forced upon the audience as if we were suppose to enjoy them, but realistically they were just annoying. Angelica is mad at Jack for taking her virginity (wasn’t pirates suppose to be geared for Children?) Blackbeard hides in his cabin for most of the film (wasn’t he the scariest pirates of all time?) the Minister falls in love with the mermaid just because he sees her naked (again, Disney, Pirates, Children?) and the Mermaid needs to shed one tear (there were enough tears of pain from the audience to solve that problem).
By the end when Barbossa has his revenge and Blackbeard is dying, naturally Angelica is facing death too while Jack is frantically trying to complete the fountain of youth ritual. Next the typical one glass is poison, one glass is the antidote comes into play. Blackbeard selfishly drinks what he thinks is the Fountain of Youth, while Angelica drink the bad water, but of course we all know that the cups are switched and Blackbeard dies while Jack is not tempted once by the fountain of youth.
As much time as Jack wasted in the first 3 films wanting to be the most memorable pirate and wanting to live forever he isn’t even fussed about the fountain being right in front of him. The ending was an anti-climax with no big reveal. The biggest cringing moment was at the end when Jack and Gibbs reunite, after Gibbs had stolen all the ships in a bottle from Blackbeard’s ship, now Barbossa’s. Then to end with a bang Jack turns to Gibbs and says, “A pirates life for me,” screen fades to black and I want to fall over dead.
If I had the choice of watching pirates 4 again and gaining eternal life or simply dying, I think I’d choose death. Rob Marshal (director) clearly tired to cash in on the already established franchise by adding pointless underdeveloped characters and plot lines. It was a truly exhausting film that made you miss the silliness of Will and Elizabeth. Every word Jack uttered felt forced, as if someone was trying to be Jack but not doing it very well.
On Stranger Tides is nothing but a cheap rip-off of a book fused with Disney characters and Blackbeard. By the end you feel like you’ve sat through twice the length of the previous films and are left flabbergasted at how awful it was. Hopefully this puts a long needed rest to the Pirates franchise as it clearly needs it. Mediocre scripts and acting is not enough to carry something that was so special in its debut in 2003.
