I’m officially done with my second year at Uni. Handing in my last few essays was a big relief. I am really looking forward to being done with Uni and getting out of that college. This year has been the most stressful one yet…and definitely the most discouraging one in regards to uni life and whatnot. First term I really worked hard at trying to have a good attitude with stuff at Uni but someone can only be beat down so many times before it’s too much to get back up. I’m done trying with Uni as it all seems like chasing after the wind. Now, I by no way am saying everyone there is horrible, there are a handful of really great people and lecturers there, but in general there is a depressing spirit that looms over the place. The fusion of business and ministry is so messed up-where business matters are “settled” like ministry matters and vice versa. I’ve never felt more discouraged with ministry and church in my entire life. I look back and view it all and I can’t believe that THIS is what God wanted, I can’t look think that THIS is why Jesus came. This, this whatever this is, is something I don’t want to be apart of.
Christian communities are suppose to be accepting, they are suppose to be loving, they are suppose to be there for guidance and correction. Where there are no outcasts, where everyone has a role and feels welcomed. Not this messed up political oriented setting where the “shining stars” are all that matters, where the outcasts are outcasts and its stays that way. Where people are shunned because they make the world their community not just one town or village. The world has taken a turn for the worse and Christians, where are they? Looking after number one like the rest of the world. In this mess there is a remnant of people, people who see this mess and don’t want to be apart of it, a remnant that God will use to bring the church out of this mess.
But this, this whatever this is, is something I don’t want to be apart of—this is not what the Church should be like. Is there hope? Is there any strength left? I’m looking for hope and I’m looking for strength but none of it comes from the Church.